Jesus' General

I hate to say it, but it's the US Army Corps of Engineers' own damn fault that the press conference they held last Saturday went so badly. After all, if you're trying to explain why you are plugging up gaps in post-Katrina New Orleans area floodwalls with newspapers, you'd think you'd want to fully explain your reasoning and technique.

Think about how much better that press conference would have gone had they mentioned that it wasn't any old newspaper they were using, it was the Rev. Sun Myung Moon's Washington Times, and as such, it endows the floodwall with special Biblical powers, powers on par with those found in nothing less sacred that the holy hanky (see below), itself. If they had stressed that piece of it, they might have even persuaded Moon acolytes like Orrin Hatch to lend his vast reserve of credibility to the event.

Additionally, the Corps failed to reveal that they bound the newspapers to the floodwall using the most powerful repair tool known to man, a product endowed with powers that rival even those of our Lord's--they used duct tape. Had they made a point of explaining that, they'd have put ...   more »

Jesus' General

I just realized that although I often reference the holy handkerchief, I've never really explained how this sacred object is used. Considering the important role Rev. Moon plays in conservative politics--he is the messiah and our True Father after all--that's an oversight I feel have to rectify immediately.

Please open your books to True Father's instructions for the "Three-Day Ceremony:"

Procedure of the 3-Day Ceremony

1. Preparation

A. Selection of the place

Select as holy a place as possible. For example, one might use a Unification Church center, a house which belongs to a member, the house of physical parents if they have accepted the Principle, or some other place with a good spiritual atmosphere.

B. You must have

Holy Handkerchief
Holy Salt
Holy Gown (clothes)
2 Basins or bowls
Picture of True Parents

Optional:

2 cushions to designate the places of True Parents
Shim Jung candle
[...]

(2) The Ceremony

Put on the Holy Gowns

Stand in the positions as shown below

Since the Fall took place out of the sight of God, the Father, the photo of True Parents plays the role of Father. To begin, the man and woman stand before God and True Parents ...   more »

The Liberal Avenger

…has taken in more Iraqi refugees than the United States of America.

URL: The Liberal Avenger

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The Liberal Avenger

Hillary Clinton is in Indiana, criticizing Bush for allowing a Chinese consortium to buy a defense contractor, which then moved production from Indiana to China. But that sale happened in 1995, when Bill Clinton was president.

Does anyone still believe that Hillary “I blew a 30-point lead” Clinton is the Democrats’ strongest candidate?

URL: The Liberal Avenger

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The Liberal Avenger

McCain’s proposed suspension of the federal gas tax proves that he wasn’t lying when he said that he doesn’t know anything about economics.

Federal taxes amount to only about 18 cents per gallon, a tiny fraction of the increases we’ve seen since the occupation of Iraq began. That would save Americans some money on gas, but the revenues from the gas tax fund federal highway projects. Under McCain, then, those projects would have to be drastically cut back, adding unemployment to the mix of our economic woes. That doesn’t sound like it would provide much stimulus.

And gas prices are going to go up by a lot more than 18 cents per gallon when John W. McCain goes through with his plan to bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.

URL: The Liberal Avenger

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The Rude Pundit

The Lewinsky Nuke, or How Bill Is Hillary Clinton's Reverend Wright:
Let us say, and why not, that surrogates for the Obama campaign, aided and abetted by the RNC and the media, decided to go after Hillary Clinton in relation to the Monica Lewinsky scandal (and, to be clear, no matter what you think about impeachment, the President of the United States getting blown by a White House intern qualifies as a scandal). Let us say, and, indeed, why not, that in order to gain some ground lost by the interminable focus on Jeremiah Wright, Obama's surrogates decided it was time for a little refresher course in the shit people put up with in their personal lives.

It would be so fuckin' easy to take down Hillary Clinton, and the RNC knows it and can't wait for the chance to do it. Obama hasn't, and probably won't. Here's the one-two-three of how, if the Obama campaign truly wanted to go negative, the Clinton campaign would be over. Follow the bouncing ball of a logical progression to the nuke:

Where did the liaisons between Lewinsky and Bill Clinton take place? In the White House, especially in ...   more »